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Description
I created an OC some years back for RP...I decided that I may get a commission of her..here is a description. I suck at designing OC's...so Critiques are welcome
I think I want to use her
Tenma Yuki ( Demon Snow) … (Family name listed first)
Species : Shinigami
History…Age, unknown… maybe over 800 years old. Appears to be about 17, was a seated officer under the previous 11th division Captain.
Physical Appearance--Height about 6 ft, athletic build (Yes she has boobies) complexion caramel, black eybrows, but her eyes and hair are a pure snow white. Her hair is long, just past her calves and she has a white tattoo 雪…(snow) above her right eye…She is considered the most beautiful woman in Soul Society.
Her Shihakushou is black with white trim and a white sash and and the top is like a toga, meaning one shoulder…the right one is bared…
Her Zanpakuto is a full-time released Ice-type--- This sword has a blade styled to resemble a glacier. The guard is zig-zag-shaped. Its' grip is of a blue metal set with white pearls and pieces of blue amber
The scabbard is made of Ice and is the same shape as the blade…it is also adorned with with white pearls and pieces of blue amber
Zanpakuto Name: Setsudan no Yuki …Cutting snow 切断の雪
Shikai… has 3 Attacks…
The first attack is... "Crashing Cloud"… forms dozens of ice clouds, that can be launched at opponent and if it lands it will crush the victim... and is executed with the cry 粉砕 funsai (Smash)… Setsudan no Yuki
The second one is Crashing Icicle Rains down Hundreds of icicles…that are razor sharp and resistant to heat… It is performed with cry 嵐 arashi (storm)… Setsudan no Yuki
The last attack is [Arctic Tsunami released with the cry 巨大な氷の波 kyodai na koori no nami (Giant wave of Ice) you guessed it...forms giant wave of ice...That will crush opponent...
She is a long-ranged fighter and is able to use kidou up to the 70’s, however she doesn’t always do so ,because it’s frowned upon in the 11th division.
She also loves to fight…preferably to the death.
Level 1
No Bankai… as of yet
How’s that?
I think I want to use her
Tenma Yuki ( Demon Snow) … (Family name listed first)
Species : Shinigami
History…Age, unknown… maybe over 800 years old. Appears to be about 17, was a seated officer under the previous 11th division Captain.
Physical Appearance--Height about 6 ft, athletic build (Yes she has boobies) complexion caramel, black eybrows, but her eyes and hair are a pure snow white. Her hair is long, just past her calves and she has a white tattoo 雪…(snow) above her right eye…She is considered the most beautiful woman in Soul Society.
Her Shihakushou is black with white trim and a white sash and and the top is like a toga, meaning one shoulder…the right one is bared…
Her Zanpakuto is a full-time released Ice-type--- This sword has a blade styled to resemble a glacier. The guard is zig-zag-shaped. Its' grip is of a blue metal set with white pearls and pieces of blue amber
The scabbard is made of Ice and is the same shape as the blade…it is also adorned with with white pearls and pieces of blue amber
Zanpakuto Name: Setsudan no Yuki …Cutting snow 切断の雪
Shikai… has 3 Attacks…
The first attack is... "Crashing Cloud"… forms dozens of ice clouds, that can be launched at opponent and if it lands it will crush the victim... and is executed with the cry 粉砕 funsai (Smash)… Setsudan no Yuki
The second one is Crashing Icicle Rains down Hundreds of icicles…that are razor sharp and resistant to heat… It is performed with cry 嵐 arashi (storm)… Setsudan no Yuki
The last attack is [Arctic Tsunami released with the cry 巨大な氷の波 kyodai na koori no nami (Giant wave of Ice) you guessed it...forms giant wave of ice...That will crush opponent...
She is a long-ranged fighter and is able to use kidou up to the 70’s, however she doesn’t always do so ,because it’s frowned upon in the 11th division.
She also loves to fight…preferably to the death.
Level 1
No Bankai… as of yet
How’s that?
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Comments3
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Well, I can't offer a proper critique (being that I'm currently a freeloader 
), but she sounds too perfect if you know what I mean. There has to be some flaws whether in her appearance (scars or some BS like that), her abilities (her sword has nasty side effects) or her personality (selfish bitch typically goes nicely with ice xD). Otherwise you'll be Mary Suing her and that (as you know) ain't a good thing. 
The Kido she can use seems like a complete overkill especially if you paint her as a tough biatch 11th Division, Kenpachi lovin' monster. Maybe downgrade it a little or give it a nasty effect like recoil or something (mmm, burns). Even if she is long range, up close and personal fits in more line with the 11th (unless you want to make her an odd duck). So maybe the Kido compliments her brutal close combat? *shrug* Up to you really, just keep it in mind.
The actual zanpakuto abilities don't seem to be too bad in the overkill department so smooth sailing there. xD
Fighting to the death, huh? Well, I guess she must have a suitably reckless personality to go with that (or a death wish)~ Remember to avoid huge contradicitions with her personality, or if you do have them make sure there's an explanation.
I absolutely suck with ideas for things like Bankais, but if sword's based around glaciers then maybe an added abilitity where the less of the sword shown the most devastating her attacks? A stealth type thing that cloaks the blade maybe? *shrug* Once more, just tossing around ideas.
*blink* Hope that helped, feel free to ask for clarification.
), but she sounds too perfect if you know what I mean. There has to be some flaws whether in her appearance (scars or some BS like that), her abilities (her sword has nasty side effects) or her personality (selfish bitch typically goes nicely with ice xD). Otherwise you'll be Mary Suing her and that (as you know) ain't a good thing. The Kido she can use seems like a complete overkill especially if you paint her as a tough biatch 11th Division, Kenpachi lovin' monster. Maybe downgrade it a little or give it a nasty effect like recoil or something (mmm, burns
). Even if she is long range, up close and personal fits in more line with the 11th (unless you want to make her an odd duck). So maybe the Kido compliments her brutal close combat? *shrug* Up to you really, just keep it in mind.The actual zanpakuto abilities don't seem to be too bad in the overkill department so smooth sailing there. xD
Fighting to the death, huh? Well, I guess she must have a suitably reckless personality to go with that (or a death wish)~ Remember to avoid huge contradicitions with her personality, or if you do have them make sure there's an explanation.
I absolutely suck with ideas for things like Bankais, but if sword's based around glaciers then maybe an added abilitity where the less of the sword shown the most devastating her attacks? A stealth type thing that cloaks the blade maybe? *shrug* Once more, just tossing around ideas.
*blink* Hope that helped, feel free to ask for clarification.